Advice to Teenage Girls and Choosing Friends

You should note that the stage of adolescence is the most dangerous stage that a person goes through, because during this stage there are many physical, mental, emotional and sexual changes, and the shaytaan is keen to tempt a person during this stage by whatever means and methods he can. Hence every adolescent boy and girl must be cautious. What we recommend at this stage is:



Firstly:


* Strive to do acts of worship, both obligatory and mustahabb, and strive to keep away from haraam, doubtful and makrooh things.


* Among the means which will help you to avoid falling into the trap of the shaytaan and keep away from disobedience to Allaah are:


* Remembering that Allaah is always watching and bearing in mind His greatness, especially when you are alone.


* Not following in the footsteps of the shaytaan. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]” [al-Noor 24:21]. The steps of the shaytaan are like a chain; the one who follows them will not stop and each step is more serious than the one that came before it, unless a person checks himself and gives it up and repents from every sin.


* Repenting from every sin. A Muslim may fall into sin, but if that happens what he must do is give it up and repent, and not continue and persist in it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And those who, when they have committed Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allaah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but Allaah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:135]. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.” Narrated by Ibn Majaah (4251). Shaykh al-Albaani said: It is hasan.


* Thinking of death and the meeting with Allaah. The one who remembers that death may come to him suddenly and that he will meet Allaah, Who will ask him about his deeds, will avoid sin.


* Turning to Allaah and praying that He will help you to do good deeds and give up evil deeds, for Allaah will never let down the one who calls upon Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright” [al-Baqarah 2:186].


Secondly:


Strive to find good companions and keep away from bad companions, for a friend will have an impact on his friends, as it was said:


Do not ask about a man, rather ask about his friend, for every friend follows the example of his friends.


Thirdly:


You should fill your time with beneficial and useful things, both religious and worldly, and beware of free time for it is one of the greatest sources of corruption at this stage.


Fourthly:


If you want to win people’s hearts, then treat them kindly and have a good attitude towards them, cooperate with them and meet their needs, for in this way you will be able to win their hearts.


Among the wisdom narrated from ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) are his words:


Do favours to whoever you want and you will be like his master, and be in need of whoever you want and you will be like his prisoner, and be independent of whoever you want and you will be his equal.


We will say something in general terms about winning people’s hearts and earning their love.


Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):


“Verily, those who believe [in the Oneness of Allaah and in His Messenger (Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم)] and work deeds of righteousness, the Most Gracious (Allaah) will bestow love for them (in the hearts of the believers)” [Maryam 19:96]


Qataadah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on this verse: This means, by Allaah, in the hearts of the believers. It was mentioned to us that Haram ibn Hayaan used to say: No person turns with all his heart to Allaah but Allaah will turn the hearts of the believers towards him, until He blesses him with their love and compassion. Tafseer al-Tabari (18/266).


It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allaah loves a person, He calls Jibreel (A) and says: ‘I love So and so, so love him.’ So Jibreel loves him, then he calls out to the people of heaven, ‘Allaah loves So and so, so love him.’ So the people of heaven love him and he finds acceptance on earth. If Allaah hates someone, He calls Jibreel and says: ‘I hate So and so, so hate him.’ So Jibreel hates him, then he calls out to the people of heaven: ‘Allaah hates So and so, so hate him.’ So they hate him and he is hated on earth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (7485) and Muslim (2637).


Now you see that winning people’s hearts and earning their love is not within your capacity or that of any other human being, rather it is in the hand of Allaah alone, may He be glorified and exalted. He is the One Who softens hearts towards one another and He is the One Who separates them. He is the One Who gives and withholds, lowers and raises. All of this is part and parcel of His being the Rabb (Lord or Cherisher and Sustainer) of His creation, may He be glorified.


As for how to attain the love of Allaah, this is the greatest desire of the believer, and this is the great and noble purpose for which there is only one way to attain it, which is by following and obeying His Prophet. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):


“Say (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم to mankind): “If you (really) love Allaah, then follow me (i.e. accept Islamic Monotheism, follow the Qur’aan and the Sunnah), Allaah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:31]


It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My slave draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My slave continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful slave: he hates death and I hate hurting him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6502).


If there remain after that people of evil and corruption who love to spread evil among those who believe, and they want to harm you, and want you to agree with them, and are annoyed by your obedience to the Most Merciful, and your keenness to worship Him and attain all the branches of faith, then do not pay any attention to them, and continue on your straight path, and be with His righteous slaves.


Here we should point out the importance of respecting parents and relatives, for they are the most deserving of good treatment and of your efforts to win their hearts. It is essential to be patient with parents when they regard you as still being young, because no matter how old you get, you are still young in your parents’ eyes. Moreover they have the right of being in charge of you, looking after you, raising and teaching you, and disciplining you. They are entrusted with your care, and are responsible for you in this world and in the Hereafter. Part of their duty is that they should ensure that you follow proper etiquette and pay attention to the rulings of Islam, and respect the people’s customs and traditions so long as they do not go against sharee’ah. All of that may conflict with the desires and inclinations of teenagers, which may lead to the situation that you describe, and you feel that it is a problem, i.e., reconciling between what is required of you as a teenager and the whims and desires of your own nafs, and what the duties of etiquette demand of you, and what your parents’ rights dictate, that you should respect and accept the guardianship of your parents.


Hence you will know the answer to the rest of your question. If this friend is a good person, then try to love her and grow close to her, and if she is a bad and corrupt person, then keep away from her and she will also keep away from you.


“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women): such (good people) are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and Rizqun Kareem (generous provision, i.e. Paradise)” [al-Noor 24:26].


And Allaah knows best.

15 Tips to Earn Rewards from Allah

1- Avoid Things that Allah has forbidden, including the great sins as well as continually performing the lesser sins, and perform what Allah orders us to perform: The prophet peace be upon him said: "Allah has recorded the good deeds and the evil deeds. Then he made them clear: He who has intended a good deed and does not do it, Allah writes it down with Him as a performed good deed; but if he intends it and does perform it; Allah records for him from ten good deeds to seven hundred times that or more than that. If he intends to do an evil deed and does not do it, then Allah writes it down as a good deed; but if he intends an evil deed and performs it, Allah records it as one evil deed" (Sahih Al-Jami)
2- Reciting the Quran and pondering over it's meanings: The Prophet peace be upon him said, "Whoever recites one word from the Book of Allah will be rewarded for a good deed and ten more like it; and I don't say that Alif Lam Mim is a word but Alif is a word and Lam is a word and Mim is a word" (Alif Lam Mim is 3 Arabic Characters.)

3- Guiding people to righteous deeds: The prophet peace be upon him said, "Whoever guides one to a good thing will get the same reward as the person who performs the deed" (Sahih Al-Jami)

4- Enjoining good and eradicating evil: This is one of the obligatory duties that many people fail to perform today. Due to this reason, sins are being committed openly and without shame and no one is saying anything about them. The prophet peace be upon him said, "If the people see an evil deed and they do not change it, then Allah may inflict them all with a punishment". Allah says in the Quran: "And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another, they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong .. "


5- Supplications to Allah: It's the best act of worship as the Prophet peace be upon him said, "The most virtuous act of worship is supplication" (Sahih Al-Jami). It's very important to be certain that Allah will answer your supplication, the Prophet peace be upon him said: "There is no Muslim on this earth who supplicates to Allah except that Allah will give him what he asked or He will remove some evil from him, as long as he does not supplicate for something evil or as long as he does not supplicate for cutting of the ties of kinship and as long as he does not become impatient and say, 'I supplicated and supplicated and I was not responded to'"


6- Marrying religious women: The prophet peace be upon him said, "A woman is married for her religion, wealth or beauty; marry the religious women and you will prosper". He also said, "A thankful heart, a tongue that remembers Allah and a pious wife that helps you in your worldly and religious matters, is better than what the people are amassing" (Sahih Al-Jami)


7- Bringing up pious children and training them to have good Islamic character: The prophet peace be upon him said, "A man will be raised some degrees in Paradise and he will say, 'For what reason am I receiving this ?' He will be told, 'Because of your son asking forgiveness for you'"


8- Having good manners and character: The prophet peace be upon him said, "The most beloved of you to me and the closest of you to me in the Hereafter are those of you who have the best manners; the most hated of you to me and farthest from me in the Hereafter are those of you who have the worst manners, those who speak and do not even care about what they are saying" (Sahih Al-Jami), and he also said, "The person of good manners will get the same reward as the person who prays during the night and fasts during the day" (Sahih Al-Jami).


9- Performing many voluntary prayers: This is particularly beneficial during the last third of the night in which the gates of the heavens are opened and the supplications are responded to. The prophet peace be upon him said, "Allah waits until one half or two-thirds of the night has passed and He says, 'My slaves, shall ask from no one except Me. Whoever asks from Me, I shall respond to him. Whoever asks Me for something, I will give it to him. Whoever asks for my forgiveness, I shall forgive him. And this continues until the dawn" (Sahih Al-Jami). Similarly, performing the Sunnah prayers, is also a way of gaining Allah's pleasure and reward. These Sunnah prayers are two rakats before the dawn obligatory prayer, four before the noon obligatory prayer and four after it, two after the sunset prayer and two after the night prayer and the witr prayer.


10- Being obedient and respectful to one's parents: This is one of the greatest ways to attain Allah's pleasure and reward. Allah mentions worshipping Him together with obeying one's parents. Allah says in the Quran, "Your Lord has decreed that you worship none save Him, and that you show kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain to old age with you, say not 'File' unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy and say, 'My Lord, have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little'" (Al-Isra)


11- Jihad in the way of Allah: A hadith of the Prophet peace be upon him says, "Being on guard in the way of Allah for one month is better than perpetual fasting for a year. Whoever dies while guarding in the way of Allah will be safe from the great frightening. And he will be provided his provisions, and smell the scent from paradise, and receive the reward of the one who guards until Allah resurrects him" (Sahih Al-Jami)


12- Remembering Allah at all times: The prophet peace be upon him stated that Allah said, "I am as My slave thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself. I make mention of him to Myself and if me makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it." (Al-Bukhari).


13- Speaking the truth and not fearing punishment of anyone: The prophet peace be upon him said, "The leader of the martyrs is Hamza ibn Abdul Muttalib and a person who faces an unjust ruler and advises him to do good and he is killed because of his speech" (Sahih Al-Jami)


14- Giving charity and spending in the way of Allah: Allah says in the Quran, "Those who spend their wealth by night and day, privately and publicly, verily their reward is with their Lord, and there shall no fear come upon them neither shall they grieve" (Al-Baqara 274). And Allah also says, "And spend of that which We have provided you before death comes to one of you and he says, 'My Lord if only You would reprieve me for a little while, then I would give alms and be among the righteous.' But Allah reprieves no soul when its term comes, and Allah is aware of what you do" (Al-Munafiqoon).


15- Learning the beneficial knowledge: One should learn that knowledge that will benefit him in the Hereafter and act by it in order to be a good example for others. The authentic knowledge is the one that is based on Quran and Sunnah.